Turn Your New Sober Friendships into Sources of Support

When you're in recovery, you're on a completely new journey. It's likely a journey of self-discovery, healing, and uncovering a new way of life. It's called the road to recovery because just like any road trip, it's a process of getting to your destination. And the journey itself is meaning, not only the destination.

On this journey, however, you're going to have to be resourceful. The tools you once had and the company you used to keep may not be available to you anymore. And not only might they be unavailable, you may even want to steer clear of your old life. Now that you're pursuing a new way of living, you're likely going to have to find new resources, new connections, and new ways of responding to life.

With these significant changes, sober friendships are a profound source of support. They might even bring you all that you need to stay sober. That is, if you're willing to look at your friendships that way. Often, friends are seen as people to spend time with, enjoy the day with, or laugh and play with. Yet, in recovery, you can use the fact that you have sobriety in common to your advantage.

Let's say you and a few girlfriends reside at a sober living home. Perhaps all of you are aiming towards sobriety and have life goals you want to achieve. You could each support one another in your goals. For instance, here are some ideas for making your new sober friendships into sources of support:

• You and your friends could get together on a regular basis and have a mini women's group. 
• You and your friends could have a reading group, where you read from recovery-related books and discuss the topics presented. 
• You might agree to go out weekly and have fun the sober way. 
• You might have your own mini 12-step meeting on a regular basis, discussing the tenets of each of the steps and any challenges with working with them. 

If you and your friends are meeting on a regular basis in any of the ways described above, perhaps you want to establish the guidelines in your friendships so neither of you appear to be more advanced than others in their recovery. Feeling a sense of mutuality and sharing the difficulties of recovery together can help maintain feelings of togetherness, community, and respect. For instance, you might want to agree not to do the following:

• No lecturing.
• No covering up for your own mistakes or the mistakes of your friends - honesty leads to true recovery.
• No feeling guilty about your own choices or those of your friends.
• No codependency - each of you are responsible for your own lives.

Having respectful and trust-worthy friendships in recovery can be incredible sources of support, if you want them to be. If you're interested in any of the ideas suggested above, it only takes you and one other person to begin. Ask a new sober friend to join you in making the journey of recovery together.